Monday, July 14, 2008
Regarding Harry
Harry Guetzlaff, managing editor of The Wittenburg Door, passed away yesterday. A quick glance at "What I've Written" in the left-hand sidebar will give you an idea of his importance in my writing career. More than that, though, he was the first person (other than my brother and his family) to welcome me to Dallas when I moved out here.
I was only able to spend time with him twice, but his grace and friendliness is something that will stay with me (and set the standard for grace and friendliness) for the rest of my life.
For more on his life and legacy, see John Bloom's obit at the Door website.
Godspeed, Harry.
I was only able to spend time with him twice, but his grace and friendliness is something that will stay with me (and set the standard for grace and friendliness) for the rest of my life.
For more on his life and legacy, see John Bloom's obit at the Door website.
Godspeed, Harry.
Labels: Friends, Wittenburg Door
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Coming Soon: "Larry King and the Angel"
Yeah, it's a Wittenburg Door story.
Pull-quote from the magazine Table of Contents:
Hmmmmmmmm....
Subscribe. You know you want to.
Pull-quote from the magazine Table of Contents:
“Gosh darn” or “dang it” don’t generate the same kind of paperwork.
Hmmmmmmmm....
Subscribe. You know you want to.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Saturday, January 19, 2008
"Cameron's Next Religious Exposé" Redux
"Greeks Protest Cameron's Next Religious Exposé," the article I wrote that appeared in the Nov/Dec '07 issue of The Wittenburg Door, is now available as a feature on their website.
Lots of other good stuff in that ish. Subscribe.
Lots of other good stuff in that ish. Subscribe.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Got Issues?
The Wittenburg Door has added the contents of Issue #214 on their website. This is the Christmas Issue I mentioned a while back.
Good stuff throughout; among my faves are William Jolliff's "They'll Know We are Christians by Our Stuff," Fred Allen's "Things Jesus Wouldn't Say," and Jane Lebak's "The Book of Cat-Lovers." (TBoCL is funny even if you, like me, aren't a cat lover.) Among Jamie Crossan's "Vision Statements You're Not Likely to See" is
Check it out.
Good stuff throughout; among my faves are William Jolliff's "They'll Know We are Christians by Our Stuff," Fred Allen's "Things Jesus Wouldn't Say," and Jane Lebak's "The Book of Cat-Lovers." (TBoCL is funny even if you, like me, aren't a cat lover.) Among Jamie Crossan's "Vision Statements You're Not Likely to See" is
"We dream of a time when evey soul shalt love the timbrel. Verily."I've been to that church (though that wasn't actually their "official" vision statement...).
Check it out.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Slipped My Mind
Meant to blog on this earlier in the week but didn't. I've got another short in The Door Insider: "Osteen Outdoes Virgin Mary, Pope in Miraculous Appearances".
Among the nifty revampings at Door website is the ability to comment on the newsletter articles. Have fun.
Among the nifty revampings at Door website is the ability to comment on the newsletter articles. Have fun.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Christmas in Wittenburg: Threepeat
Two years ago my first-ever story ("God's Creation Blog") was published in the Nov/Dec 2005 issue of The Wittenburg Door. Last year I also had a story in the 2006 year-end edition (2007 CCM Concert Forecast).
Well, in what I hope is becoming an annual tradition, I've got a story in issue #214. This time around I chronicle the hullabaloo surrounding James Cameron's follow-up to The Lost Tomb of Jesus. From the article:
In other Door-related news, there's a new website for the mag being stress-tested. Following a story titled "Titus Refuses To Come Out of His Trailer" (the lighter side of the early church's circumcision dilemma), this comment appears (from Derek):
Well, in what I hope is becoming an annual tradition, I've got a story in issue #214. This time around I chronicle the hullabaloo surrounding James Cameron's follow-up to The Lost Tomb of Jesus. From the article:
"I was on vacation-slash-scouting trip," Cameron said, "looking for the right place to film my next feature, Piranha III: When Tilapia Go Bad, when I found a graveyard up on a small bluff overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. Inside there were headstones with the names Zeus, Athena, Poseidon, and more. A cluster of graves like this can only mean one thing: the Greek Immortals were more mortal than we thought."Expect a link to buy a copy for yourownself soon.
In other Door-related news, there's a new website for the mag being stress-tested. Following a story titled "Titus Refuses To Come Out of His Trailer" (the lighter side of the early church's circumcision dilemma), this comment appears (from Derek):
"This is the funniest thing I have read from you guys since the God's blog and of course watching God stuff. It is so refreshing to find a magazine with the same humor as I do in finding funny things about christianity...."Always nice to hear from a fan. (Of course, if Joe Bob Briggs has raised the bar I've got to step up...)
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
The Dozenth Door
Today's appearance in the Wittenburg Door's newsletter (Production Begins on Lucado-Inspired Movie) marks my twelfth appearance inside the Insider.
When it was accepted a couple weeks ago it got this response from WDI managing editor Harry Guetzlaff: "I did a spit take on the title."
Get out your screen- and keyboard-protectors. You've been warned. (Otherwise, enjoy!)
When it was accepted a couple weeks ago it got this response from WDI managing editor Harry Guetzlaff: "I did a spit take on the title."
Get out your screen- and keyboard-protectors. You've been warned. (Otherwise, enjoy!)
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Where I Been?
Been going through Internet withdrawl, that's for sure.
It'll be next weekend before the Internet gets hooked up at our apartment and until yesterday I was without it at school, too. (Blogger is blocked on the district network, so I'm posting this from the Richardson Library.) Were it not for the library and Staples and Corner Bakery I'd be wardriving the suburbs like a wifi junkie jonesing for a fix.
The first three days of school felt like three weeks. Several of the teachers at TJ agree this feels like a very long week. Today felt like a regular day, though; so perhaps things are improving. If tomorrow feels like half a day I could be in trouble. (I had a meeting with my fellow Texas Teaching Fellows fellows on Tuesday; wonderful to be back with the gang again.)
Phil's adjusting to his new school and being a second grader. He finds the 20 minutes of free-reading homework oh-so-onerous. Poor kid. He doesn't appreciate naps, either.
In case you missed it, I had another short in the Door Insider this week: Mormon Missionary Team Faces Blood Doping Charges.
And I'll have some sort of a presence at the Misfits blog tomorrow, so be sure to check that out, too.
It'll be next weekend before the Internet gets hooked up at our apartment and until yesterday I was without it at school, too. (Blogger is blocked on the district network, so I'm posting this from the Richardson Library.) Were it not for the library and Staples and Corner Bakery I'd be wardriving the suburbs like a wifi junkie jonesing for a fix.
The first three days of school felt like three weeks. Several of the teachers at TJ agree this feels like a very long week. Today felt like a regular day, though; so perhaps things are improving. If tomorrow feels like half a day I could be in trouble. (I had a meeting with my fellow Texas Teaching Fellows fellows on Tuesday; wonderful to be back with the gang again.)
Phil's adjusting to his new school and being a second grader. He finds the 20 minutes of free-reading homework oh-so-onerous. Poor kid. He doesn't appreciate naps, either.
In case you missed it, I had another short in the Door Insider this week: Mormon Missionary Team Faces Blood Doping Charges.
And I'll have some sort of a presence at the Misfits blog tomorrow, so be sure to check that out, too.
Labels: Misfits, Second Grade, Teaching, Wittenburg Door
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Wednesday at the Insider
This week at the Wittenburg Door Insider I run amok in the fashion department with a piece about Bapto-Catholic dress codes.
It's nice when you run across several similarly-themed weird news stories and, instead of shaking your head bemoaning the fact it's impossible to top them separately, you make something new by combining them.
Stay tuned for next week, too. If all goes to plan it'll be my first back-to-back-to-back threepeat in the Insider. (Or you could subscribe to the newsletter and not have to rely on the reminders here.)
It's nice when you run across several similarly-themed weird news stories and, instead of shaking your head bemoaning the fact it's impossible to top them separately, you make something new by combining them.
Stay tuned for next week, too. If all goes to plan it'll be my first back-to-back-to-back threepeat in the Insider. (Or you could subscribe to the newsletter and not have to rely on the reminders here.)
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
If It's Wednesday...
...more than likely it's another reminder to check out the Door Insider.
Hey, look -- it's Wednesday! By the way, the Doorguys have picked up another of my "articles." Thanks, Robert and Harry!
This week it's an "I Love the 80s"-athon, as the deaths of religious icons Jerry Falwell and Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner are remembered, and the deaths of other televangelists are contemplated -- named-dropped notables include Oral Roberts, Tammy Faye's ex, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Bob Tilton, and Jonathan Bell. Special Guest Star: Billy Graham.
Check out Televangelists Face Their Mortality ... On eBay.
Hey, look -- it's Wednesday! By the way, the Doorguys have picked up another of my "articles." Thanks, Robert and Harry!
This week it's an "I Love the 80s"-athon, as the deaths of religious icons Jerry Falwell and Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner are remembered, and the deaths of other televangelists are contemplated -- named-dropped notables include Oral Roberts, Tammy Faye's ex, Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Bob Tilton, and Jonathan Bell. Special Guest Star: Billy Graham.
Check out Televangelists Face Their Mortality ... On eBay.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Oh, Magoo -- You've Done It Again
Yeah, another one in the Insider.
This week: Evangelicals Mourn Final Harry Potter Novel.
And before a well-intentioned Potterhead gets his or her dress robes in a bunch, it's satire people. Sweet, enchanting satire. "Satirus amusicus," as Hermione would say with a deft wave of her wand and flick of her wrist.
And then she would be justly burned for a witch.
If you're not already an Insider subscriber, become one.
This week: Evangelicals Mourn Final Harry Potter Novel.
And before a well-intentioned Potterhead gets his or her dress robes in a bunch, it's satire people. Sweet, enchanting satire. "Satirus amusicus," as Hermione would say with a deft wave of her wand and flick of her wrist.
And then she would be justly burned for a witch.
If you're not already an Insider subscriber, become one.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Back in the N.S.D.R.
After being out of the mix for six or so weeks, I've got another short in the Wittenburg Door Insider. This time around I look at the grade fixing scandal that erupted at a VBS in Tyler, Texas (a nice place, I drove through it several weeks ago). A sad, sad story.
The editors of the Insider were gracious and generous enough to highlight Coach's Midnight Diner, the short story anthology that includes several Door regulars and occasionals. If you haven't already have a copy on preorder, time's running out!
The editors of the Insider were gracious and generous enough to highlight Coach's Midnight Diner, the short story anthology that includes several Door regulars and occasionals. If you haven't already have a copy on preorder, time's running out!
Labels: CMD, In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Monday, July 16, 2007
Two Mo' in the Do'
I got word last week that my story about James Cameron’s next clueless religious expose (a la The Jesus Tomb) will be appearing in a future edition of the print mag (or as an online bonus or both).
And since I'm not (at the moment) spending my evenings making lesson plans and rehearsing my class notes, I took some time over the weekend and wrote a piece about the VBS grade fixing scandal that just broke over in East Texas. Yeah, that one. Cryin' shame. Should be in the end-of-the-month Door Insider. (Need to subscribe? There's still time!)
And since I'm not (at the moment) spending my evenings making lesson plans and rehearsing my class notes, I took some time over the weekend and wrote a piece about the VBS grade fixing scandal that just broke over in East Texas. Yeah, that one. Cryin' shame. Should be in the end-of-the-month Door Insider. (Need to subscribe? There's still time!)
Labels: Wittenburg Door, Writing
Thursday, July 05, 2007
B(u)y Me
Issue #212 of The Wittenburg Door is now on sale. $5 + s/h (or get 6/year for $30 with the shipping included).
Here's the snippet from the contents page for my "Brief History of Reality Programming":
Schadenfreude is a funny word, but only when someone else says it...
The illustration at the bottom of the online contents page accompanies my story in the print edition. You can probably guess why the Daniel edition of Survivorman failed, but go ahead and buy the issue to check if your guess is right. (Buy a two year subscription -- 12/2year -- for only $50.)
Enjoy!
Here's the snippet from the contents page for my "Brief History of Reality Programming":
Survivorman (Job Edition): Lacks adequate schadenfreude; audience tops out at three.
Schadenfreude is a funny word, but only when someone else says it...
The illustration at the bottom of the online contents page accompanies my story in the print edition. You can probably guess why the Daniel edition of Survivorman failed, but go ahead and buy the issue to check if your guess is right. (Buy a two year subscription -- 12/2year -- for only $50.)
Enjoy!
Labels: Humor, In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Issue #212 and Me
If you're a subscriber to the Wittenburg Door Insider, you've already sneaked a peek the cover for Wittenburg Door #212 (provided you check your email on a semi-frequent basis).
The full table of contents hasn't been released yet, so let me sneak you a peek at at least one item in the magazine. Over in the sidebar I've made mention of "Reality TV of Biblical Proportions." That's what I should have named my piece. Instead, my story appears in issue #212 as "A Brief History of Reality Programming." Which doesn't stink -- still...
Here's an excerpt:
Yeah, it's like that. Full page story, great illustration. (Only one page of about 50 with great stories and illustrations.)
If you're not a Door subscriber, become one. If you already are, Christmas-in-July festivities are right around the corner; order a subscription for a friend (or enemy, if they're really uptight).
Either way, don't miss this issue.
The full table of contents hasn't been released yet, so let me sneak you a peek at at least one item in the magazine. Over in the sidebar I've made mention of "Reality TV of Biblical Proportions." That's what I should have named my piece. Instead, my story appears in issue #212 as "A Brief History of Reality Programming." Which doesn't stink -- still...
Here's an excerpt:
Lorna Harkonnen, director of the Red Sea Scroll division of Strang Research Center announced the discovery of a several new scrolls in Cave 4 at Qumran at a press conference. According to Harkonnen, the find establishes that the current fascination with reality television is anything but a modern occurrence.
“These newly translated texts,” Harkonnen says, “show that interest in reality programming is as old as the ancient Hebrews themselves. They chronicle centuries of project development, though very few actual success stories.”
“For instance,” she continues, “an early version of Big Brother -- around 1930 B.C. -- was canceled when ‘little brother’ Jacob stole the show.”
Yeah, it's like that. Full page story, great illustration. (Only one page of about 50 with great stories and illustrations.)
If you're not a Door subscriber, become one. If you already are, Christmas-in-July festivities are right around the corner; order a subscription for a friend (or enemy, if they're really uptight).
Either way, don't miss this issue.
Labels: Humor, In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Bob Newhart and I: The Devil You Say?
Got another short in The Wittenburg Door Insider, illustrated with a picture of the Bobster in full red-cowl-and-horns costume.
Thanks WDI guys for the match-up. And for running another story of mine.
Read "The Devil You Say".
(Note: there's a link on the main 5/30 newsletter page to an AP story about an injured baby (referenced in my "article"). It's a disturbing story. If you read it and come away disturbed, I will say I told you so. You were warned.)
Thanks WDI guys for the match-up. And for running another story of mine.
Read "The Devil You Say".
(Note: there's a link on the main 5/30 newsletter page to an AP story about an injured baby (referenced in my "article"). It's a disturbing story. If you read it and come away disturbed, I will say I told you so. You were warned.)
Labels: Humor, In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Short Story Announcement
I just got word this morning that my short story, "In R'lyeh, Jesus Walks," won top honors in the Coach's Midnight Diner "Jesus vs. Cthulhu" contest. Coach's is a fiction anthology debuting this summer that will feature genre short stories of a Christian-worldview nature. It's a sibling publication of the Relief Journal, which features more literary fare.
Right now, between the things I've published at the Wittenburg Door Insider and the things I have "accepted, but pending," I'm over the total number of things I had published all last year. (That's not counting the things I've subbed but have yet to hear back on.) That most all of them are in paying markets is a super big plus, too.
Coach's Midnight Diner isn't on sale yet, but I'll point you in the right direction when they begin taking pre-orders.
Right now, between the things I've published at the Wittenburg Door Insider and the things I have "accepted, but pending," I'm over the total number of things I had published all last year. (That's not counting the things I've subbed but have yet to hear back on.) That most all of them are in paying markets is a super big plus, too.
Coach's Midnight Diner isn't on sale yet, but I'll point you in the right direction when they begin taking pre-orders.
Labels: CMD, Contests, Wittenburg Door, Writing
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
My Interview With The Pope
...appears in this week's Wittenburg Door Insider.
After the statement in last week's Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, equating jokes about the Vatican with terrorism, I "sat down" with "Pope Benedict XVI" and got "on the record" a dozen more things that are also "not funny."
After the statement in last week's Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, equating jokes about the Vatican with terrorism, I "sat down" with "Pope Benedict XVI" and got "on the record" a dozen more things that are also "not funny."
Labels: Humor, In Print, Wittenburg Door
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Special Alert: Door News Bulletin
If you're a Wittenburg Door Insider subscriber, you've already seen this. If not, you need to subscribe; meanwhile, here ya go:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CONTACT: C. Mike Sell
The Door News Service
TBN GOES HI-DEF, 3,400 HOSPITALIZED - Irving, Texas (April 26, 2007) - When Trinity Broadcasting Network switched over to a high-definition signal Saturday morning, prayer requests doubled almost immediately.
"People were calling, reporting headaches, nausea, spontaneous blindness," said Byrum Culpepper, prayer room shift leader at the network's Irving, Texas, headquarters. "We prayed for them immediately, but when people called back for the second, third, and sometimes fourth time, we suggested they supplement their faith with medical attention."
"The migraine was a killer," said Molly Freburg of Enid, Okla. "One minute I was fine watching Paul and Jan Crouch, the next..." Despite massaging her temples for several minutes Freburg was unable for further comment. "I'm sorry, I can't relive it," she said before terminating the interview.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that at least 3.400 people were admitted to hospitals following TBN's foray into hi-def.
According to CDC spokesperson Ryan Benson, "We've never seen vectoring like this before. It's baffling -- several of our own analysts have been brought down by flu-like symptoms during the course of the investigation."
Heading off a CDC and FCC ban on the use of high-definition signals, TBN has voluntarily taken the hi-def feed off the air. "We're assuming that something in the signal is causing the problem, like strobe effects can trigger epilepsy," said Culpepper. "Since we've gone back to the old signal prayer requests have leveled off and begun declining. We're glad to pray for folks, but we were running double-shifts for a while."
###
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CONTACT: C. Mike Sell
The Door News Service
TBN GOES HI-DEF, 3,400 HOSPITALIZED - Irving, Texas (April 26, 2007) - When Trinity Broadcasting Network switched over to a high-definition signal Saturday morning, prayer requests doubled almost immediately.
"People were calling, reporting headaches, nausea, spontaneous blindness," said Byrum Culpepper, prayer room shift leader at the network's Irving, Texas, headquarters. "We prayed for them immediately, but when people called back for the second, third, and sometimes fourth time, we suggested they supplement their faith with medical attention."
"The migraine was a killer," said Molly Freburg of Enid, Okla. "One minute I was fine watching Paul and Jan Crouch, the next..." Despite massaging her temples for several minutes Freburg was unable for further comment. "I'm sorry, I can't relive it," she said before terminating the interview.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that at least 3.400 people were admitted to hospitals following TBN's foray into hi-def.
According to CDC spokesperson Ryan Benson, "We've never seen vectoring like this before. It's baffling -- several of our own analysts have been brought down by flu-like symptoms during the course of the investigation."
Heading off a CDC and FCC ban on the use of high-definition signals, TBN has voluntarily taken the hi-def feed off the air. "We're assuming that something in the signal is causing the problem, like strobe effects can trigger epilepsy," said Culpepper. "Since we've gone back to the old signal prayer requests have leveled off and begun declining. We're glad to pray for folks, but we were running double-shifts for a while."
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Insider Threepeat
I'm in the Insider again. Got a promotion to Washington Bureau Chief this week. Here's my story on the White House Easter Egg Hunt.
I smell Pulletzer.
I smell Pulletzer.
Labels: In Print, Wittenburg Door, Writing
