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So Much Stuff I Can't Recall

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Special Alert: Door News Bulletin

If you're a Wittenburg Door Insider subscriber, you've already seen this. If not, you need to subscribe; meanwhile, here ya go:


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: C. Mike Sell

The Door News Service

TBN GOES HI-DEF, 3,400 HOSPITALIZED - Irving, Texas (April 26, 2007) - When Trinity Broadcasting Network switched over to a high-definition signal Saturday morning, prayer requests doubled almost immediately.

"People were calling, reporting headaches, nausea, spontaneous blindness," said Byrum Culpepper, prayer room shift leader at the network's Irving, Texas, headquarters. "We prayed for them immediately, but when people called back for the second, third, and sometimes fourth time, we suggested they supplement their faith with medical attention."

"The migraine was a killer," said Molly Freburg of Enid, Okla. "One minute I was fine watching Paul and Jan Crouch, the next..." Despite massaging her temples for several minutes Freburg was unable for further comment. "I'm sorry, I can't relive it," she said before terminating the interview.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that at least 3.400 people were admitted to hospitals following TBN's foray into hi-def.

According to CDC spokesperson Ryan Benson, "We've never seen vectoring like this before. It's baffling -- several of our own analysts have been brought down by flu-like symptoms during the course of the investigation."

Heading off a CDC and FCC ban on the use of high-definition signals, TBN has voluntarily taken the hi-def feed off the air. "We're assuming that something in the signal is causing the problem, like strobe effects can trigger epilepsy," said Culpepper. "Since we've gone back to the old signal prayer requests have leveled off and begun declining. We're glad to pray for folks, but we were running double-shifts for a while."

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Mikesell

1 Snarky Remarks:

Great job. Funny as usual.
Blogger Jennifer Tiszai, at 10:38 PM  

Get snarky