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So Much Stuff I Can't Recall

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Final Installment: 101 Household Uses for Brenda Coulter's Forthcoming Novel, A Family Forever

Here we are at the end of an era, an epoch, a blog series that has probably gone on much too long. Whatever, we're at the end of it. And thanks to all the folks who're regular No Rules, Just Right readers that have stopped by.

With Brenda on hiatus until she gets her computer problems resolved (hint: get a Mac), you can still get your daily fix of original BC content (except Sunday, some Saturdays, and whenever she posts those "blogging excuses") from today's list. The first half-dozen words of #98 come from Brenda, replacing an entry that even I felt was a low-blow.

101 Household Uses (plus a bonus!) for Brenda Coulter's Forthcoming Novel, A Family Forever
  1. Buy as gift for staunch Democrat mother, inherit millions when you tell her you bought her the new Coulter book and she has heart attack thinking you meant Ann.
  2. Use as trivet for messy spoon after stirring bubblin' pot of Bolognese.
  3. When child is going through coloring-in-books phase keep it lying around as bait.
  4. Underline passages at random so you can appear to be a "serious reader" (and set example of double standard for kid in #88).
  5. Place flat in back of cupboard so you can create split-level Campbell's soup arrangement.
  6. Lie flat on top of end-table lamp to create pinkish mood lighting.
  7. Romantic drink coaster-for-two.
  8. Great practical joke: tell gullible friend that he'll see a secret message if he reads the UPC code by holding the bottom edge of the book at eye-level, then slam book into the bridge of his nose, shattering his septum.
  9. Use as drip catcher when spooning out Pepto-Bismol.
  10. Use two as shoulderpads for Mommy Dearest Halloween costume.
  11. <number 96 has been excized due to graphic sexual content>
  12. Drill hole all the way through book so you can hold book open and spy on people while pretending to read.
  13. Use pages to blot freshly-applied lipstick as you lounge the day away wearing caftans and noshing on bon-bons.
  14. Mix flour and water, soak pages in mixture and wrap around inflated balloon for papier mache craft.
  15. Birdcage liner.
  16. Read book, gain enlightenment, give up writing dream because the Platonic ideal has been found.
and the one that started it all
  1. Use book to prop up the short leg of your dining room table.
I hope you've had fun going over this list. If you've had half as much fun reading it as I had writing it ... then I've had twice as much fun as you.

Did I miss something? If you've discovered other uses for a finely constructed paperback book like Brenda Coulter's forthcoming novel, A Family Forever, let me know with a snarky remark.

Mikesell

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