Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Household Uses for Brenda Coulter's Forthcoming Novel, A Family Forever V: The Continuationing
Well, people, we're coming down the home stretch here. If you haven't found uses for a dozen copies of Brenda Coulter's forthcoming novel, A Family Forever, you're not even trying. Get with the program as you consider:
The Penultimate 17 Household Uses for Brenda Coulter's Forthcoming Novel, A Family Forever
- Place on bookshelf so you can make snooty comment about having bought it before it became popular Oprah book choice or Lifetime Channel movie-of-the-week.
- Use as dustpan if you're not sweeping up all that much dust.
- Keep tented on nightstand so you can appear to have been up reading when teenager comes home at 3 a.m.
- Use as wheel chock for lightweight convertible when changing the oil.
- Keep on hand in case book-burning comes back in vogue and the cute girl/guy you want to chat up is going.
- Place in Halo-2 box as gag gift for your son's birthday party.
- Hold tightly for fifteen minutes to boost estrogen levels while undergoing hormone replacement therapy.
- Place on top of shaving kit when you visit parents for the holidays so they'll assume you're gay and stop setting you up with ill-considered daughters of friends from the office, church or bridge club.
- When arranging books by spine color, use to fill out the beginning of the spectrum.
- Train dog to balance book on nose, get on Letterman, go on to superstardom.
- Place several copies in toilet tank to conserve water/reduce water flow.
- Use as ping-pong racquet after demolishing actual racquet in amazing forehand smash maneuver.
- Trick-out with LEDs to enhance your uber-modder lifestyle.
- Buy clock kit at craft store, assemble clock using cover as the face, sell at flea market.
- Use signature inside autographed copy to forge checks and send crank letters to the editor.
- Stick used chewing gum between pages to break habit of sticking gum under tables.
- Copy passages wholesale to bump up the wordcount in your own manuscript.
Mikesell