So Much Stuff I Can't Recall

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

SRV and Barry

During today's Laying the Foundation training (for pre-A.P. teachers) we did a narrative free-write while we listened to what someone said was Stevie Ray Vaughan's rendition of "Little Wing." Sounded more soulful/funky than the SRV/LW recordings can find online, but who knows. Anywho, this is what I wrote (with minor revisions).
Barry walked down the street as the lightpoles phased on. A warm breeze blew, mixing the smell of produce, beer, cigarette smoke, and perfume. The evening was amber, and Barry leaned back as he strolled, making it look easy. Making it look good.

A car pulled by, a long car with fins, and Barry nodded. Driving's fine, but a night like this he had to be out in it. Anton, the guy who sold maybe twenty bucks a day in his junk store, caught his nod and returned it, kept sweeping his stoop.

Ladies were beginning to trickle out on the avenue, their workday ending, most—some, their day just beginning at six. But it was good. It was all good. Barry and the ladies admired each other and the drivers of the long cars. It was all good. And more than that, it was right. It was all right.

Barry took a deep breath, inhaled the oncoming night, held it in. Closed his eyes and let it out slow. Slow and fine. Slow and fine and easy.
The exercise was to demonstrate tone. Any guesses as to what I was shooting for?

(Ronny Jordan's "The Jackal" has a similar vibe to the song played in class.)

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2 Snarky Remarks:

Someone's gonna die.
Okay, maybe I'm jaded from reading some of your other pieces but, that's what I'm getting--it's almost like John Travolta's going to die--only that would need the BeeGee's and not SRV.
Blogger Jenny, at 12:05 PM  
It actually reminded me of one of Langston Hughes' poems. Cool jazz with a little funk.

I really like that line about "their workday ending, most--some, their day just beginning..." Saying without saying. Very cool.
Blogger Jennifer Tiszai, at 9:22 PM  

Get snarky